If i’ve ever liked a selfie of yours, please know that was me fondling your ass and cupping your balls. Every reblog was a soft, sensual kiss on the lips while playfully pinching your nipple.
Man, I hope that girl managed to figure things out.
I distinctly remember during Ye Olde Hellish Childhood Days of being dragged to Baptist churches this one guest preacher that went on and on about how important it is for Christian men to be friends with other Christian men but how difficult it is for men to have friends, because of course when you become friends with another man you will naturally want to have sex with him, so the temptation, y'know? It’s tough, resisting those urges to have sex with all your man friends when you’re a man, all you men know what I mean. It’s so hard. You must be Very Strong In Your Faith before you can handle the responsibility of being friends with another man, so you will be able to Resist The Devil and not have sex with them.
14 year old me sat there in my pew, thinking. I think I know something about this man that he does not know.
Fever is a hilarious immune response. Our bodies tell the disease “hey, wanna see which one of us dies of overheating first? No? Too bad.” and honestly they’re not even the winners a decent chunk of the time but it works often enough that we never evolved it away or anything. Fantastic work.
“available with premium subscription” “will be removed on the 31st” “available free with ads” “rent 4.99 buy 20.00″ “not available in your country” “not available on this device” what if every streaming service fucking killed itself and films ran around their fields free and organic in their natural state
honestly the human brain is so small that you *will* forget how much beauty there is out there to experience unless you leave your house every three days. ik its fucked up but i promise its true
my brain, trying to deceive me: there’s literally nothing outside!!!!! it’s the same neighborhood it’s always been !!!!!
me, tying my shoes: shut up shut up!!!! by god we’re gonna try to find magic in mundane today !!!!
if Breath of the Wild didn’t want me to fall in love with Prince Sidon they shouldn’t have made him chivalrous, earnest, kind, loyal, brave, a little dumb, and 9 feet tall with a mouth full of knives
They should never have taken duels out of politics. politicians yearn to be allowed to shoot at each other these days you can tell
They are meant to be going out to the back garden and firing the world’s most inaccurate dangerous guns at each other over minor disagreements it’s literally their natural behaviour. like how birds nest and hermit crabs dig etc
Sorry idk why I’m possessed by the spirit of a duellist from like the 1820s rn
unironically people need to learn to say “they haven’t done anything wrong i just find them annoying”
I personally think people need to understand that if someone hasn’t wronged you or anyone else, you should NOT dislike them. You don’t have to like them; just remain neutral.
nope! this is the kind of attitude the leads to you picking apart every little thing a person does digging through their past for dirt and problematizing everything about them, exaggerating harm, assuming the worst about them, putting words in their mouth, etc, to justify the fact that you simply don’t vibe with them when the truth is that you will not get along with everybody you meet in life and it’s extremely possible to be civil to someone you don’t like. you don’t have to be friends with everybody its fine. it’s certainly nicer than falsely accusing them of some heinous shit rather than admit that you’re not some Disney princess who’s never had an unfairly mean thought in her life and loves everybody and sings with little birdies and is never bitchy or irritable. sometimes you get annoyed for stupid reasons and understanding that your personal feelings about a person aren’t necessarily related to their morals or worthiness as a human being is the first step to being a civil adult.
Met a friend of a friend once. We just both came to chill at her place. And there was nothing rancid or wrong about him I just instantly knew if I had to spend anymore time with him than that night I would hate his guts.
Anyway god is real because he asked her for my number and I got to laugh and drop a hard no. But then had to justify to her that there wasn’t anything wrong with him pls no it’s fine I don’t neeeed to beee frieeeeends with yoooour